How A Shiny Bracelet Helped One Man Overcome Impostor Syndrome
By Doug Bennett aka The Goals Guy® with special guest Mark Baker
When you bump against a challenge in your life, do you push ahead, or do you throw in the towel and cede to the tiny voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough?
I know first-hand how paralysing impostor syndrome can be and how this feeling of inadequacy can drive you to your lowest point. For most of us, it can take years of intense therapy to shake off this crippling anxiety. However, for one man, it was a shiny bracelet that helped him unlock self-belief.
Meet Mark Baker, The Belief Doctor. He’s been on the Goals Do Come True podcast before, but I decided to bring him on again to share some of the incredible stories and wins he’s had over the past few years. You can listen to the full episode here. If you’d like a re-run of our first conversation, check it out here and here.
I was intrigued to find out more about Mark’s personal struggle with impostor syndrome and how a makeshift shiny bracelet changed his life for the better.
Recognising the call to change
There comes a time in our lives when we have to actively seek self-belief and shut out the voice of doubt in our heads. For Mark, this pivotal call to change stemmed from a father’s love and distress.
Mark: “Many years ago, I had chronic impostor syndrome and a terrible lack of belief in myself. I have two beautiful little girls whom I adore. And one night, after I finished reading them a story, I sat there in a rocking chair. I realised that my children needed one thing: self-belief. And I was really distressed about the fact that I wasn’t up to the task of instilling self-belief in my own children because I didn’t have any myself at that time in my life.
So, I sat there asking myself: is there a physical way to instil belief in somebody?”
Where do self-limiting beliefs come from?
Why don’t I have any self-belief?
We’ve all asked ourselves this question at some point (I know I have on many occasions!). But as Mark points out, impostor syndrome is a mindset issue that exists solely within the confines of our minds. For him, this crippling lack of self-belief even extended towards his career!
Mark: “Everybody gets impostor syndrome at some point in their life. Impostor syndrome is essentially the fear of being exposed as being incompetent. But it’s mostly a mindset issue.
The very act of engaging in a particular task or pursuit shows that we’re not inept at it. We may all have different levels of competence – some of us are substantially better at things than others – but outright incompetence is rarely the case. Nevertheless, most people are still terrified of being exposed as inadequate.This was my experience when I joined the life insurance industry.
I was terrified of being exposed as incompetent. So when I went out to seek new prospects, I would have this underlying fear that they knew more about the industry than I did.”
Mark’s story is certainly one I can relate to, even within my business and career. I’ve authored two books, aired over 100 podcast episodes, and even sold a business! But as it turns out, impostor syndrome doesn’t yield to accolades or achievements.
Every now and then, I find myself plagued with the occasional twinge of self-doubt and anxiety. Maybe you do too?
Self-doubt and past trauma
Self-doubt is often rooted in past trauma and experiences we haven’t quite healed from. This was definitely the case with Mark.
Growing up, he was abused and tortured both physically and mentally for the first 20 years of his life. These years of abuse left a deep void of self-belief, one that prevented him from taking audacious strides towards the life he wanted.
Mark: “I was abused by my father as a child and this left me with a chronic lack of self-belief. It took me ten years to actually pick up my first cheque as a speaker because I was so afraid of public speaking. I kept thinking to myself: what do I have to say that anybody would want to listen to?
The day I decided I wanted to become a speaker, which was after attending a Life Insurance Association Convention, my speaking fee was pegged at £1000. But then, I ended up never speaking within the first ten years of making that decision because I was trying to overcome this chronic imposter syndrome.”
Eventually, after ten years, someone called me and asked to hire my speaking services.I ended up picking my first speaking cheque at £4,500, which is actually a hell of a start. It just took me a long while to get there.”
What interested me the most about Mark’s story was how our childhood experiences can shape the decisions and choices we make as adults. Psychologists call this imprinting and this exact phrase formed the bedrock of Mark’s new invention: a bracelet that inspires self-belief in its wearer. You’ll find out more about this as we get on.
Overcoming impostor syndrome and imprinting self-belief
I wanted to know how Mark managed to overcome his impostor syndrome and instil self-belief, not just in himself but his daughters as well. His answer was unexpected.
As it turns out, his journey to self-confidence featured two key elements: a dream and a shiny gold bracelet.
Mark: “One night, I had a dream about a little girl who was terrible at mathematics. In that dream, the little girl’s father took her to a cave where they met an old man with a long, grey beard. The old man then handed her a shiny bracelet which had a symbol, and asked her to press down on it. When she let go, the word ‘belief’ was imprinted onto her skin.
And then he said to her: ‘The belief isn’t on you. The belief is IN you and that’s all you ever need.’
The next day at dinner, my daughter mentioned that she was struggling with mathematics and in that moment, the whole dream came back to me. So, I grabbed an old bangle and created a make-shift bracelet that was an exact replica of the one in the dream. I handed it to her and made up some positive phrases and affirmations to say with her. Interestingly, she went from being in the bottom ten per cent of her class in maths to sitting within the top ten per cent.”
Mark’s story is an incredible example of the power of positive affirmations. We develop self-belief by thinking positive thoughts to replace the negative ones already imprinted inside of us. When you repeat those affirmations, you’ll gradually begin to believe it, and ultimately, become more confident.
Self-belief is a cycle
Mark’s final golden nugget is one that resonates strongly with me, and I think it will with you too. According to him, self-belief and impostor syndrome lie on opposite ends of the spectrum, but they’re both self-fulfilling prophecies. One leads you to success while the other keeps you stuck in a toxic cycle.
Mark: “If we have very little self-belief, we’ll take zero to little action. Ultimately, we’ll release zero to little of our potential, and end up with hardly any results. This then ‘confirms’ our original belief that we couldn’t do it in the first place.
But if you believe wholeheartedly in something, you’ll take massive action, release 100 per cent of your potential, and end up with incredible results. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy with two very different results. One is abject failure while the other is massive success.”
Has Mark’s story inspired you? Maybe you’d like to shut out your inner critic and instil self- confidence just like he did?
I’d love to hear all about it. Drop me a line at doug@dougbennett.co.uk and if you’d like my support and accountability to help you kickstart your journey to self-belief, click here to book a complimentary discovery call.